Vegetarianism

Vegetarians make my life difficult. I'm not a vegetarian. I eat meat and I enjoy it. Generally, vegetarians are easy to accommodate. If you're having a meal with a vegetarian at a restaurant, you choose one that has vegetarian options. Problem solved. If you have a meal at the vegetarian's house, they will serve you a fully balanced meal. Problem solved. If the vegetarian is eating at my house, well . . . . a massive problem just created itself.

The problem is created because I'm new at hostessing and I'm determined to get it right. This of course is a silly attitude to take. However, from talking to older and wiser hostesses, it's a stage that everyone goes through. It means you do stupid stuff like make the pie from scratch instead of buying it on your way home from work. I know one person who kept making Yorkshire puddings until she had perfected the art. From then on, she bought frozen ones. She felt that because she knew how to make them, she wasn't wimping out in buying them. I think most of us follow that logic - although we all acknowledge that it's warped.

The timing of meals is still something that I have to master. Getting the meat and vegetables to arrive at the table at just the right perfection of doneness is tricky. There is one comforting fact about meat though. People will eat it. There is a huge range of doneness in which meat is still eatable and enjoyable. It might not be done exactly optimally but in choking it down, people get their full protein quota for the day. Meat is one of those things that people feel obliged to eat. They'll eat the meat and leave the potatoes and have extra helpings of dessert.

In my mind, tofu is the way in which vegetarians get their protein. In my mind, tofu is really easy to ruin. It has no taste and it has a funny texture. I have had tofu that was surprisingly good. I have also had tofu so awful that everybody left it on their plates. It is this last scenario that worries me. What if the tofu I serve to the unsuspecting vegetarian falls into the latter category of downright awful? Will they think that I have tried to poison them because we have differing views on meat? Will they try and hide the white slimy chunk of protein under their knife and fork or spread it around the plate to make it look like they ate more than they did? Just how hungry will they be, because let's face it, vegetables don't exactly keep you full for long.

Trying to time, vegetables, meat and tofu or another alternative non-animal based protein gives me a stress headache just trying to think about it. If you're baking the meat, can you bake the tofu? Does it have to be done in the same type of sauce but in a different pan so that it is contaminant free? Will this double the amount of pans I have to wash? Can they be cooked at the same temperature? If I pan fry the meat, how do I do the tofu? Do I need two frying pans? How do I season it? Quite frankly, how do I make it edible?

I have a friend who is vegetarian. She knows how to cook tofu. I'm going to get her to teach me. If she can live off the stuff, there has to be a way of making it palatable.

One day I will know how to cook tofu so that it is appetizing. Before that, I have to figure out how to cook the meat. Until that day, everybody is getting served eggs. I'm sorry but the vegans will have to wait. There's only so many pans my sink will hold.