Missed the Memo

I suddenly spied hanging on the rack the cutest skirt and shirt. The shirt had cap sleeves, was a nice shade of burnt orange and had small white flowers scattered over it. The skirt was a khaki tan, A-line and appeared to drape nicely. It struck me that it would be perfect office wear - ideal in that both items were wrinkle-free, they dried quickly (perfect for after you've spilled coffee down your front) and they wicked moisture (perfect for when the air conditioning breaks down, again). Except for the fact that I was in an out-door store. The type of place where you swap tales with the salesmen about the time you hiked into the rainforest in Columbia and they had a monsoon which is why you're back to replace your camelback which got swept away in the storm.

I looked around at the other women's clothing. I was gobsmacked. Last time I checked, if it was outside, you got dirty and you didn't wear a skirt. If you were doing hardcore outdoorsy type stuff, you didn't care what you looked like - you cared how functional it was. Otherwise the Tilley Hat never would have made it past the sketch stage. Yet here I was, surrounded by clothes that were supposed to be appropriate for extreme outdoor activity. All it reminded me of was a 1940's era film in which the heroine emerges from the tent, while on safari, and is wearing white gloves. Appropriate for the time, inappropriate for the place.

Last time I put bare skin near an outdoors area in the summer, I got eaten alive by mosquitoes. Yet, here was a summer dress, spaghetti strapped and low cut, on sale as appropriate for outdoor activity. I thought DEET was environmentally unsound and nothing else works. The number of skirts on sale disturbed me. Several were of a cut, I knew from experience, that did not allow you to move at any great pace. But more to the point, if you were wearing clothing like this, what were you wearing on your feet?

I assumed the point of the clothing was for the backpacker who was staying in hostels. You wish to look smart and not quite so much like a tourist, so you buy the non-wrinkle, quick dry, roll it in a ball clothing that springs to life. However, as you're walking you wear the type of shoes that allow you to walk non-stop - or the kind of shoe that must never be worn with a skirt. The shoe will give you away as a tourist before anything else. The natives will wear cute and impractical sandals and heels. The tourist will wear serious shoes. You can pick them out a mile away on the street. If you're going to look like a tourist, you might as well embrace it rather than look like you tried and didn't succeed.

At first glance I thought I had missed a whole new clothing trend - the trend of cool outdoor clothes - and then I realised that the trend had missed the point. When you're descending a rock cliff through an inch of mud, a light tan skirt isn't going to help. The tan pants that are indestructible and ugly to boot will. You'll hate them so much, you won't care if you wreck them so you'll never think twice about what you're wearing. And as they're indestructible, you'll never destroy them, and you'll decide to descend the rock face on your butt, thereby choosing the easiest, fastest and safest way. Now try that in a skirt. I thought so.