Things I Learned in Training

In Public Service Training
Disclaimer - contains potentially inappropriate comments

- I will get called for the one answer I don't have. My facial expression will be such that the facilitator will later apologize and my group will assure me they've got my back. Apparently when asked to repeat the question after being told your answer wasn't quite right- saying blank for the blanks is not a normal reaction.

-If you have enough public servants in a room, you can cut the patriotism with a knife. They will all be well indoctrinated in why their department matters to Canadians. There will be too many departments looking out for my safety and well-being. Did you know there is a department in charge of communicable diseases? and it's not Health Canada.

-Too many public servants take philosophy in school. Under no other circumstances would an exercise turn into a debate on what exactly the societal norms of Canada are. Somehow people making out in a sauna will be relevant to the debate.

-The same public servants will know what the difference between the prisoner, vacationer, consumer, and adventurer are. I will decide I'm a prisoner/adventurer. I will be told these are diagonal in the spectrum and therefore impossible. I will retreat back into my cell.

-Being the youngest and female means you automatically become secretary. Saying you can't spell does not get you out of the job.

-All those who rave about working for the civil service are retiring in the next month.

-By the six degrees of separation, if you know someone from New Brunswick, you will know someone who worked in a sawmill.

-The moose hunting season in New Brunswick is only three days. In Newfoundland, it's four months. One moose licence will keep four guys happy until they don't get a moose. No one has been caribou hunting nor black bear hunting. Learning to hunt with a bow is deemed a good thing. Inquires on why guns were then invented are not appreciated.

-If you are having an affair at work and are evaluating people to turn it into a threesome by e-mail, your e-mails will get ATIPed.

-If you belong to the military and have a part time job as a stripper, you will get 30 days in jail.